Nearly 3pm

17/3/2015

Did you see Cervantes’s tomb was just found, 399 years after his death? When you pick up his work, it’s hard to believe it’s been that long. I picked up Don Quixote (an edition we bought in La Havana a few years ago) the other day and was greeted by a postcard. It read:

Sep 22. ’56
Nearly 3pm

My dearest

Hazel rang me this morning as you had asked her to. I never met Mrs Madden but she must have been a very sweet person, from all I have heard of her, and she will be terribly missed.

But just between you and me, dear, I’m sure there is no need to grieve for her, only for the sad bereaved ones.

The one thing one hopes, at our time of life, is to travel the long road from health to death with sweetness and dignity, without pain if possible, and without the loss of one’s faculties - as she has. And she was surrounded by the love of her family, never lonely.

Bless you, my sweet, get rid of that cold.

All my love, Toots

God bless Mrs Madden, and thank you to Toots for her vision of the good death. 'Long road... sweetness and dignity... never lonely'. I will fight for something like this, even if the doctors might understandably chuckle cynically about the impossibility of such a goal.

My MRI last week was a good start. I’ll spare you the technical details, but one doctor called it a ‘winning’ outcome, falling in the ‘top 5%’—with the tumour having shrunk a bit, something that ‘should not be taken for granted’, especially so early on. Still, all this signifies is that I have a sturdy foundation from which to battle on.

So how are we going to battle on? What are we firing at the tumour?

Chemotherapy: 5 days popping temozolomide pills... kick the fuck (apologies, 'shit' doesn't really do it justice) out of the brain... tiredness, headaches, nausea... 23 days of rest... repeat at least four times... pray I can take some more (the more the merrier as long as the body can handle it)...
Medicines that may boost chemo punch: valganciclovir... cross myself... melatonin... cross myself... metformins... cross myself... statins... cross myself...
Supplements that may do something, anything, please!!: Japanese mushrooms... so much more civilised than temo... berberine... constipation... turmeric... again!?... melatonin... zzzzzzz...
Richmond Park: lap after lap… flush out the dead tumour cells... lactic acid burn... boost the immune system...
Love: message after message, call after call, hug after hug, prayer after prayer.

Looking at my treatment tracking table, you may think ‘this mix is almost as absurd as the "nearly 3pm" in the postcard!’ That's right. I love Don Quixote for showing that ‘in order to attain the impossible, one must attempt the absurd’.

There’s one final absurd ingredient that I’m convinced will prove a game-changer: my 'nearly 3pm' dose of flat white. ‘Naughty dairy!’ exclaims the nutritionist. 'Chill, that’s actually almond milk you're relishing'... most generously refrigerated by my friends at my favourite cafe in the whole wide world. Thank you, Butter Beans.