'Hides in shadows, has no regard for human life'

You guys know I love metaphors. But even I’m surprised that today I mention terrorism. And shocked with awe that I, yes, quote George W. 

‘This is an enemy who runs for cover’

The short of it: the latest scan results are more confused than ever. I’ll spare you the details. I don’t really understand them. I’m not sure the doctors themselves do. No new treatment has been advised, but greater vigilance has  (ie more periodic scans). The sentences are longer. There are more ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ and ‘maybes’ and ‘althoughs’. The words ‘disease progression’ appear for the first time—for better or for worse next to the words ‘difficult to interpret’. Something seems to be bubbling deep in the shadows…… but maybe it’s not. The report summary is in bold.  

It feels like a loud and shrill DON’T PANIC!

‘But it won't be able to run for cover forever’

As I’ve often said: medically, we’ll be all over it. 

Perhaps even more important: if there’s one thing I’ve learned about brain tumours is that the biggest danger they produce is terror. In the short term and probabilistically speaking: the tumour is as likely to harm my physical health as much as ISIS is. But my mental health? The risk of cowering in terror and just 'giving up' is almost palpable. I’m scared and sick and tired of the constant reminders the tumour is there. 

But this is also a (cheesy) message of defiance, mainly to myself. I will not live today like it’s my last day. With a little help from God, Fortune, life, this Thursday I will start my PhD; tomorrow morning I will pull Ernie out of the dishwasher as he explores its mechanical mysteries; next month I will celebrate our 10th (tenth!) year anniversary with Ing (how? Surprise mystery!); in September I will race Ironman Wales; in October I will head-bang to Metallica, live...

Now? I will go take out the garbage. Bah.